Saturday, 7 December 2013

The Future of SEO

This is about the future of SEO, not just about SEO, it is about Britain.

When we build links in Britain, we less and less do it manualy, what is done is that we pay others to add a link to a page. We have become link buyers. But, beware the industrial revolution, For that is where we begin.

In the industrial revolution the rich bought your forebears because they were kicked off the land, they worked shit hours for shit pay, but there was fuck all else to go for: fuck else.

Now we are lucky, we have these SEO/Digital media jobs which pay shit loads in comparison to digging a ditch. But don't be stupid. They will export your job to someone who will do it just to live in the ditch as soon as they can.

Do you think your bosses do it to fulfill your lives, or to fill their pockets? As soon as they can your boss will sack you and outsource your job to Burma.

Do not worry managers, the CEO will always require someone to shout at, but be under no illusion, that is all you are.

If you think this is nonsense, cool. However whilst I was working with Caliber in Edinburgh, all I seemed to notice was how much work the company was shipping out to the Philipines. Don't get me wrong it gave them jobs, it also never gave jobs here.

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Perving it up - a method for success

There is a certain knack to using websites to generate traffic, it is having something in common with lots of other people. It seems the more you have in common with lots of other people the more people like/repin/whatever your stuff. This is easy enough if you are into, things that the 'swinish multitude' [quote from Thomas Burke] are into like fashion or fitness or fast cars or motorbikes. But if like me you think these things are vapid, turgid and quite pointless it is almost impossible to realistically pretend that you do.

So, not really getting sites like pinterest, I recently stumbled across a method that works, and it is the same as above, kind of. My pinterest account had lain dormant for more than a year, the odd addition here or there, but it never did much and it had little going for it, then bored on a Saturday night I started pinning a little fetish of mine, cute chicks who wear glasses, I was in effect perving it up. Nothing gratuitous of course, [there might be kids out there] just pleasant to my sensibilities.

Now, I can hear your tiny minds fumbling in the dark, grasping out that you are just sharing with like minded pervs pictures of other things to perv about, but you are only looking at the tiny part of the venn diagram that I was looking at in the first pervy place. Since I was only looking at this one part [and since I am largely ignorant of such things] other people see the things I cannot. You see 'cute chicks with glasses' also exist within a large range of other subsets of which I don't care. Among them tattoos, celebrities, models, they have allegedly fashionable hairstyles, some wear allegedly stylish clothes, and of course some people think they are nerds or geeks. So I get repinned not only from weirdos like me, I get repins from people who have fetishes I completely do not get and cannot see.

This method for succes is not just for pinterest, there are several other similar sites out there which are more nuanced, from imgfave which can be a bit more explicit to gentlemint which is for blokes [though I do not know how they can tell from unless it is obvious from your e-mail and you do girly things], there is even a british version of pinterest called pinspire. These sites of course do not have the same number of users as pinterest, but as they are more nuanced there is a better chance of people coming across your stuff and doing the equivalent of repinning, smaller ponds etc.

There is a place for everyone in this weird little world, even for us pervs, but it does takes time. I am considering opening two new boards on pinterest now, one for short-haired girls the other for redheads, there is much scope for cross perving here.

Friday, 5 July 2013

It is a Lorem Ipsum, go away!

Condimentum justo auctor semper ante felis, ad integer ac eleifend, tristique quisque, nam nullam vulputate imperdiet sit, sed laoreet elit per. Vivamus donec libero neque tincidunt at, neque felis vitae nec vivamus volutpat, diam ultricies, in congue semper erat dolor sunt arcu, at ante tristique aliquam id mi. Sem est nisl porta urna eu, cursus magna, a nulla nam felis, posuere quis massa diam mauris et tristique, tempus felis. Adipiscing natoque lorem. In amet porta leo purus laoreet, hac maecenas imperdiet lectus, suspendisse facilisis, urna vitae, auctor wisi rutrum tempus molestie. Rutrum cras wisi scelerisque augue maecenas, justo diam ante rutrum vestibulum iaculis.

Amet neque enim porta velit, accumsan velit amet, montes ultricies suspendisse at proin ut. Sem eu tempor integer minim nulla, nam sed integer vitae mauris, leo pellentesque et ipsum sapien tincidunt, nisl egestas sodales eu, dolor mattis iaculis nulla ut nihil id. Egestas id cras neque orci in, luctus pulvinar leo ipsum in tellus vivamus, lacus et inceptos porttitor suspendisse risus lectus, ipsum tristique interdum et sollicitudin pede. Tempor arcu, diam ullamcorper ante ipsum, dis viverra consectetuer praesent orci lectus, vestibulum velit lobortis porta amet libero. Sapien vitae ut consequat nec et, cum tristique dapibus pede arcu. Tellus odio, arcu eget pellentesque ligula, fringilla quam ac tortor facilisi, elit ligula placerat augue amet dictumst, augue sit mollitia tempor pellentesque. Et dui elit leo semper sollicitudin lobortis. Volutpat magnis justo vitae semper sodales ut. Consequat fringilla ligula varius, urna vestibulum elit, vehicula aliquid donec eget, blandit suspendisse amet id. Tellus vestibulum nibh curabitur id ut, sollicitudin curabitur diam tristique primis, faucibus magna lacus nunc, cum vel mus curabitur odio. Quis amet elit faucibus duis sed amet, consectetur lectus risus phasellus.

Maecenas orci bibendum platea molestie, nulla mi felis cras scelerisque ac. Suspendisse praesent integer fermentum iaculis, wisi lectus nam condimentum nibh cursus, felis ut praesent odio vivamus a vel, gravida elementum hac tempus lorem cursus. Sapien nibh nec lectus purus, deleniti sodales ut, sed justo. Phasellus vivamus vitae consequat, tempus suscipit et ante amet. Interdum nunc arcu, nonummy malesuada sit velit sed ligula dui, sit dictum vehicula in mi enim sed. Velit lacinia tellus tristique, sem tortor ut sociis mauris nunc, mattis vehicula dis, convallis vel mauris quis arcu. Urna sapien leo faucibus, nulla ut aliquam ut. Fermentum lobortis convallis elit, non dui id libero, ea laoreet, elementum eget ac morbi consectetuer. Eros amet sem suspendisse lectus interdum sit.

Fusce cum fames elit, est non incididunt, donec mauris pellentesque, eu wisi sed rutrum, nec pede. A a urna nascetur eget ante massa, eget id malesuada a nec elit curabitur, imperdiet eget orci arcu risus, vel erat vestibulum ultricies in. Felis vestibulum luctus, dictum ac neque, mi sagittis auctor a, cum mauris nunc ut. Et scelerisque ut. Est venenatis lacus ac orci eleifend.

Monday, 4 March 2013


I am often very harsh in my criticism of #ahem wankvis, some might say too harsh, there might be something in that. I am though resolute in my opinion, however I must give it some credence.

It was the first place/time that I realised that I really don't like SEOs and I really detest what they do.

LinkMünki hath spoketh

Thursday, 4 August 2011


You reserved the whole rink? . Iet them know whose aide was coming by. The mayor's, that's whose. Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating. No, we're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. What? Seriously? I'm trying to impress you with my clout. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives.

Dog-danged scammers used our money to build a fleet of remote-controlled, solid-gold Death Stars. Ooh! I’d take one of those with a side of chili fries. We're hopelessly outgunned. The force is with us, but that's about it. to a huge manufacturing complex. I brought the eIves back from vacation Chained them up and caIIed my hoIiday friends Kwanzabot And the Chanukah zombie Three mad, wise men Bearing murder and frankincense Damn you Now fetch those bunnies by the armfuI sIightIy more harmfuI No one here goes near that door This toyshop's going to war'Be sIow to anger'Low-down scammers got me seeing red Got my TIE fighter out of the hangar'Cause I'm Jewish and I'm undead Ten hut! DreidI, dreidI I made it out of bIasting cIay You're nuts And when it's dry and ready For mercy they wiII pay I can't wait eight nights or more This zombie's going to war Kwanzabot in the NeptizzIe-hizzIe With my inhuman beat box Busy buiIding missiIes They're guided by these cute dancing fairy figures CarefuI, IittIe eIf That's proximity-triggered I'm fighting back for Kwanza So the chiIdren won't miss it I'm confused about its meaning But I know it when they dis it So, Santa Come on, pimp my sIeigh Easy with that toy artiIIery Torgo's powder's deadIy but unstabIe Can they sue for liability? Certainly not! Use as much as you are abIe You signed away your rights when you were hired Chestnuts roasting, I'm gonna open fire Prepare for gore gaIore This trinity's going to war Troops, you are now equipped with the finest weapons magical elves can build.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

The Defence of Blogger

Blogger, or blogspot, the blogging platform upon which these words have been placed, comes under an awful lot of criticism from both the blogging community and the SEO community, but since they are both generally full of **** you can take their opinions for the shit that it is: crap.

The simple fact is that you can do almost anything in blogger that you can do in the horrid behemoth that is WordPress [spit], these people only ever regurgitate what other bloggers and SEOs [on wordPress [spit]] say on their rubbish WordPress [spit] blogs. These people are clearly idiots, these people have clearly never used blogger [or anything other than WordPress [spit]] in their miniscule blogging career. The case is made most clearly when you suggest to them that there are a lot of very good, well made, blogs out there using tumblr, they look at you as if you are speaking in Klingon, they only see the many run-of-the-mill tumblrs out there. But I can tell you there are some fantastic ones, if you want to look.

Another thing about blogger, quite simple, it is a google service, and the big G likes its own stuff. Google hosts it, it is on the google server: quite simply it is in the best interests of google to index all original content on blogger, and cancel the accounts that are rubbish. Being on blogger also helps in metrics: for those of us who do not register our own domain name, the domain level metrics would always be better for http://* than the theoretical [if you want it, it is available [but I will burn you]] I already have [also hosted on the big G], so when it comes to this shitty little blog [on blogger] and mummy blogger version XXXXXCCCCCII [on WordPress [spit]] I know which is better.

All this and I haven't even mentioned how much the admin interface is much easier to use, and how the interaction between google's webasters tools & google analytics is so much easier [though it must be said I am more & more impressed with parts of bing webmasters tools these days]. The case: if you are an enthusiast then there is no case; the little that WordPress [spit] gives you that blogger doesn't, in no way makes up for the benefits that blogger gives you, and if you are a web developer [spit] f**k off to your WordPress [spit].

LinkMünki hath spoketh

Friday, 20 May 2011

Search Engines

Search Engines are lovely things [frustrating things, often, yes, but lovely things] in many ways they are part of the pinnacle of civilization so far, I'm not joking. For a person to type two or three words into 'a search engine' and within milli-seconds 'relevant results' are returned is remarkable, never mind baffling [take into consideration asking for something at your local library ...]

But this is the problem, search engines are wasted on the greater mass of the human race, most searches are so genereric as to give people like me a job, when the beauty of search engines allows anybody [especially those who know how] to refine their searches so well. However in truth this is almost a secret language to most of the people who search. I'd also like to point out now that I am talking search engines and not google per se, all of them act differently [well yahoo! & bing are the same thing now], thus can and ought be used differently. I am mainly talking about site commands, and I know all you SEOs know this but ...

Well here I'm going to step back from that assertion, I recently left the SEO team of a company where two people in particular taught me a lot about using search engines to find ways of getting links [you know who you are], in many ways I wish i had never had to leave... but other than blogs we had to use ingenuity to find links, and that's what was done: I think I prefer onsite stuff though, [but whenever I do onsite stuff I usually find loads of things wrong with the site, and get very unpopular with developers/designers/managers/account managers/you name it, I can piss people off]

No, not all the people who call themselves SEOs [not me by the way, I am proud to be a linkbuilder] apparently know how to use site commands, and therefore not all of them know half a shit about search engines and how they work, and it isn't surprising when the whole industry is obsessed with getting links and not making links, don't get me wrong, I'd love to spend more time onsite, but you have to have links for site to get indexed in the first place.

Example of knowing how to use "search engines" to find a site you might want to get links from others, try this,

first check with bing

[] look for what looks like an seo link [ie dubiously related]

take the site that was linked to and use the yahoo!

[] to find where on linked to it

look at the page/html with the link on to find out how the link was got [ctrl+u]

do something similar................


Simple google examples of finding potential link targets

[ stuff] results from with a 'stuff' relevance

[ ~stuff] the great related search eg ~stuff might also give you results for 'things', etc

[ allintext:stuff+things] this search returns pages with the words stuff & things in the text, "d'oh"

[ inurl:stuff] this will return the search but not

[] one of my favourites, this gives you just the subdomains of a site, and of course can be tailored to fit what you are looking for, ie stuff things, this can give you results like &, but neither nor, whala!

But the chance is that I am only speaking to myself, so this is just me pissing into the wind, eh?